“Where are the behavior plans for these children?” Does this sound like you? Well look no further, there are behavior plans that will help you parent effectively. And it is simple to use.

In the Total Transformation Program by James Lehman, MSW there are several key concepts that promote responsibility taking and accountability on your kids’ part. Your job is to learn these concepts and how to use them.

The Passwords

There are several secret parenting passwords or behavior management plan tools listed in this program. I have picked out 4 of these concepts that will get you immediate positive results in parenting your children.

1. Focus on a Single Issue. Kids love to get the spotlight off them and have a myriad of techniques to do so. One is bringing up another problem when you are trying to discuss something else. Don’t go down that path, even if you need to have notes to keep you on track. You can tell them you will discuss their issue at a later time. Then go ahead with your point. You will definitely experience less frustration, always a good thing in parenting.

2. Consequences. All rules have consequences and it is only right to let the kids know what both are. Your job is to follow through with them. Consequences are a preferrable way to handle bad behavior because they establish a sense of right and wrong. They also maintain structure and values, in the short term. Do know that lasting change does not come from the consequences. What they do is make the child own their change. You cannot base the consequences on assumptions of what your child may be thinking. Only on their behavior.

3. Selective Attention. While a lot of parenting skills takes fortitude, this one gives you a break. Simply ignore negative behavior that is not important. Behaviors that are meant to get attention can be ignored as long as they are not abusive. Everyone in the family (or involved in caring for the child) must be in on this. The upside to this is that you will pay close attention to positive behavior. This is where your child will benefit the most and where you will start to see a new effort on their part to change.

4. Redirect interest. This skill requires creative thinking on your part. If your kid is not able to unstick themselves from the negative behavior, redirect them. Change what they are doing or what they are talking about. This will stop their mood depreciation. Use this concept with Selective Attention for even better results. You will be teaching them how uplifting doing something or thinking something positive can be.

Behavior management plans work best when the child is responsible for the positive change. These concepts can accomplish this without a lot of effort on your part.

Wouldn’t it be nice to find tips to reduce stress? Recently, I came across something that seems to fit that bill quite nicely. It is simple and effective. And for this parent of a teenager I need both in my life. Not to mention any help I can get on how to control anxiety.

One of the best ways I know on how to prevent stress is to get centered. What does that mean? It means different things for different people. Everyone has different ways to get centered, and as soon as you can figure out what your way or ways are, you can start implementing this stress reducing technique.

Why do we have stress?

The main reason we have stress, in my opinion, is that our lives, or portions of our lives, are out-of-control. Finances, health, kids, time – these are all areas that can easily get overwhelming and quickly can get out-of-control. This is a complex, fast-paced, stress-filled world we live in, and there’s really no way around that unless you live by yourself on a desert island. I know I don’t have that luxury.

Any best ways to reduce stress?

In my opinion, you can’t reduce the stress. But you can learn to handle it. One way to do this is to get centered.

Centering is what exactly?

Getting centered means figuring out something that you can do that will give you a sense of control in your life, even if it’s in a tiny way. It might not even be anything that needs controlling, but it has to be something you can control. So even if you can’t control any or all of the big things, if you can control something small, it can do wonders for your overall stress level.

Where do I start?

All you need to do is find an activity that helps you to feel relaxed. These come in all different sizes and shapes and are what you like to do, so don’t use your neighbors idea as a measure of the effectiveness of your centering ways. If it works for you, do it. I must tell you I love to mow the lawn. The sense of relief and completeness I feel in looking at the completed project, grass all neatly in a row, reduces my stress at once.

Another technique of mine is making the bed. It’s my wife this time that doesn’t mind this quirk of mine. I love the look of a smooth, tightly made bed with the sheets and blankets tucked in perfectly. Ahhhh!

My wife’s method of how to prevent stress? To clean the sliding glass door. When she’s feeling out-of-control, she almost runs for the Windex and paper towels, and gets that baby so clean you could eat off of it. It’s her way of getting centered.

Every paper clip has its place!

I know of a corporate bigwig who got centered by going through his paper clips and sorting the small ones from the large ones. When his secretary offered to do this mundane job for him, he politely declined. He knew this little secret kept him centered and at the top of his game!

So stop and figure it out now. What things can you do to reduce anxiety? Have a few tucked away and when you need to get centered you will be ready.

As you have come to know, I write articles based on what is going on in my life. And right now I have major goings on with getting three of my little darlings off to school so they are not late. And this was not a new thing either, unfortunately. What was I not doing right? It didn’t take me long to come to the conclusion that this kind of thinking was going to get me no where. And so redirecting myself, I started wondering if maybe I had unrealistic expectations for their age.

There we go! That was a much easier route for my mind to take, since it didn’t involve anyone being at fault, me or them! Cool! I figured I’d just get out my trusty Total Transformation workbook, find the section on age appropriate expectations, and I’d get my answer. (By the way, I refer to that workbook and the Total Transformation CDs often – they’re starting to get worn out!)

There were places that discussed what behavior goes with what age and it was cool, too, to find discussions on consequences and rewards by age, which I will tell you about further on. But what I found that was most intriguing was 7 different parenting roles, yes like acting type roles. And in reading through this, I was astonished to find that this was where I was going to find the answer to change in my morning routine.

The Seven Permissive Parenting Roles

Let me list them: The Bottomless Pockets; The Over-Negotiator; The Screamer; The Ticket Puncher; The Savior; The Martyr; The Perfectionist. I had to know more. What I learned was that I was several of these in spades. And for the situation that sent me scrambling for answers, I was playing the Martyr.

What happens is the Martyr takes on the kid’s responsibilities and expects less and less from the kid because they don’t want the kid to be unhappy or distressed. It was not a pretty picture. James Lehman just lays it out real. And when I hear him I think that certainly makes sense. However, in the heat of battle, that sense flies right out the window. So when feelings are high, it is nice to have his words already tucked away for recall.

Ok so what about all those things that correspond to age? Behavior, consequence, reward. James Lehman breaks it down this way.

Ages 5-9 – At this age, children are interested in time with parents and other adults. They are beginning to establish some independent relationships with peers, but often need some adult support with this. Age appropriate consequences include going to bed early, losing TV or computer time, and going to their room. Rewards could be staying up late, earning stickers, and having someone do a chore for you.

Ages 10-14 – Now they are working on how finding themselves. This can be daunting. Partly because they want to start right out of the chute doing it on their own (with no training of course!) and partly because they do still need oversight from their adults. Making bad choices to learn the hard way is most common. Rewards revolve cell phones and usage, more computer or video game times and planning the dinner menu. Consequences will encompass losing that sacred cell phone or time, TV restrictions, and most horrible, loss of time with peers/activities.

Ages: 15 – 17 These young adults must be well on their way to being on their own. Independent or learning what they have left to be so are vital in making them successful young adults. If consequences or rewards are involved, the car and computer/phone time are the big winners here.

This is just the short list of age appropriate behaviors and how to use them in discipline because I picked out the ones that fit my morning “dispute”. Total Transformation has more both of this and the parenting styles too.